The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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