found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The power of my boobs compel you
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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