Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
