why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
