You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
