remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
