I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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