I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
