He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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