I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
