I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
