Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
