Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
