I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
