just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
