He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
