at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
