She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
