some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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