oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
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