I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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