I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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