I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
