Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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