i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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