her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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