You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
