I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
