Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
