____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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