wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
