at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
