this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
