My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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