i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
