i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
