I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
