I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
