whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And my parents said I crawled through the house
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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