just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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