i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
