I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
