remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Soap is not a condiment
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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