rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
