hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
