I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
