I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
