1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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