Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She bit a glass in half.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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