Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
