i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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