I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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