Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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